Family Dynamics

ACOA's have a much higher propensity to develop alcoholism than their peers who are not children of alcoholics. So although a person may not exhibit alcoholic behavior, if one or both parents are alcoholic, then the children are at a much higher risk to develop this disease. Whether someone crosses the line from alcohol abuse into alcohol dependence depends on the effect of alcohol on their brain chemistry. The genetic predisposition to addictive disease increases the risk in women by two and in men by 4, such that a woman with at least one parent with addictive disease has a 50% greater chance of becoming addicted to mood altering chemicals than a woman without a parent with addictive disease. A male child with at least one addicted parent has a 4 time greater change of becoming addicted to alcohol and other mood altering chemicals.

When a parent is active in their addiction, family dynamics change to accommodate the drinking pattern. This accommodation deeply affects children while at home and for years after they are grown and leave home. The way a child learns to navigate relationships in their family while growing up will be the pattern they use in navigating relationships in the world in general. While trying to adapt to the unpredictability produced by an unpredictable and sometimes chaotic home, family members adopt roles in an effort to cope with the dysfunctional family system. These roles remain consistent whether the family is dysfunctional as a result of alcohol and other drug abuse, gambling or a catastrophic illness.

“Functional or Healthy” Families and “Periods of Dysfunction”

Any life stressor can impact a family so roles must be adapted. The fact that a stressor impacts a family is not the reason for dysfunction because every family has stressors that upset the harmony of the family from time to time. When the stressor hits the family, usual family roles and interactions change and an imbalance may result. “Periods of dysfunction” are normal in healthy families. These chaotic periods occur when family dynamics change as family members
adapt to stages of life, i.e., birth of a new baby, a child going to college, someone has surgery.

These dysfunctional periods are not “bad” or “shameful” for a family. They simply are periods when family interactions during the period of stress may feel chaotic to it’s members. For example, Every family experiences such periods.

“Dysfunctional Families”

“Periods of “dysfunction”“ do not necessarily make the family a “dysfunctional family”. A family becomes a “dysfunctional family” when the family interactions during “period of dysfunction” extend over a period of time to become the usual or normal way the family functions.

This discussion will focus on an alcoholic family. Each family member is affected by the behavior of the person with addictive disease. By developing behavior that causes him or her the least amount of personal stress, each member adapts. The alcoholic suffers self-delusion from the effects of his drinking, and the other members also suffer self- delusion. As the alcoholism progresses, each member represses his/her feelings and assumes behavior conducive to survival.

The dependent person is the one who is has addictive disease, traditionally termed alcoholism or alcoholic. This disease is two fold: a mental obsession and a physical allergy. The mental obsession is expressed by efforts to rationalize use of alcohol in spite of negative consequences experienced. The physical allergy is the brain chemistry that demands the person use more mood altering chemicals so the person is comfortable in their own skin. This person develops a defense system to protect a storehouse of repressed feelings. This wall conceals the drinker's true feelings and allows a life trapped in self-absorption and self- delusion.
Survival roles within the family can be characterized as follows: chief enabler, family hero, scapegoat, lost child and mascot.

The chief enabler is usually the spouse or parent of the alcoholic. The role of the enabler is to provide responsibility. As the alcoholic gradually loses control, the chief enabler makes more choices to compensate for the dependent's lack of power.

The family hero can see and hear more of what is really happening in the family and begins to feel responsible for the family pain. The hero tries to improve the family's situation. However, because of the increasingly progressive nature of the disease, the hero consistently loses ground, and begins to feel inadequate. The obvious (visible) success of the hero masks these feelings of inadequacy. One way of compensating is by over- achieving. An over- achiever is a person who is never satisfied with the results of work; who is unable to set reasonable priorities for herself; and whose self- - esteem is based upon other people's approval. Over- achievers have trouble taking proper care of themselves. It is important to remember to take the time for recreation and relaxation, and to insure adequate rest and proper eating habits, in addition to striving for success. The family hero provides self- worth for the family.

The scapegoat is the one who is in the family's public eye. This child has learned that in this family, one is not rewarded for who one is, but rather for how one performs. The scapegoat is most in touch with feelings and is sometimes called the symptom bearer of the family. The scapegoat becomes a rebel and often gets attention for the destructive ways(by running away, getting pregnant or just being stubborn and withdrawn). This child will challenge the addicted parent and take the brunt of physical or verbal violence in an effort to protect another family member. The role of the scapegoat is to bring focus to the family, so this child will run afoul of the legal system, the school system and society in general, as if sacrificing themselves in an attempt to bring attention to the crisis in the family.

The lost child has learned not to make connections within the family. This child spends much time alone or quietly busy. This is the safest role, as it is unlikely to cause trouble for self or others. Most people fail to notice the lost child, as this child is not likely to receive much attention. A parent will frequently say, “Well, at least I do not have to worry about Mary or John,” because it appears the family does not have to worry about this child. The lost child is, however, is the child most out of touch with feelings and is most susceptible to suicide. The role of the lost child is to provide relief.

The mascot brings some fun into the family. This child provides relief for the family by being funny or cute. No one takes this child too seriously because the child appears happy most of the time and not affected by the seriouslness of the situation. Mascots are often cute, fun to be around and able to use humor to survive in this painful family system. The mascot brings distraction when fighting between parents might happen. With hypervigilence, watching for any sign of trouble, the mascot can defuse trouble before it gets out of hand. The personal needs of the mascot are set aside in order to keep the family distracted from the painful situation.
Often, children in dysfunctional families assume traits of more than one role. These roles can occur even if the problem does not surface until the child has left home.

These roles of the family were coined by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse in her classic book: Another Chance: Hope and Health of the Family of the Alcoholic , 1976 available from http://www.sharonwcruse.com/ or major bookstores.

A second book from a pioneer in the field of addicted family systems was Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Geringer Woititz in 1983.